by M.J. Edwards
M.J. Edwards has written a truly grand love story that surpasses any romance ever written. It’s perfect in capturing the complexity of human emotions and passion within unlikely relationships, and it has a lovely, strong message: love conquers all.
‚Dr Alexa Ashingtonford stared at the test tube between her fingers, her perfectly pink manicured nails clashing with the pale, bubbling liquid inside. She recognised the power she had in her grip, the virus which had claimed so many lives and which made her heart beat furiously, like a wild tiger thrashing in its cage. The Coronavirus.‘
Society has doomed and rejected Covid, but Alexa just knows that society is, as always, totally wrong. Covid is a heavily misunderstood character who has never experienced love, and only Alexa is open-minded enough to let him into her life. This is beyond a doubt the love story that inspired The Shape of Water.
‚Despite the devastation the virus was causing across the globe, Alexa felt a rush of excitement every time she picked up the Corona sample, like a pulsating, erect penis, desperate to unleash its devastation on anyone who touched it.‘
Alexa’s heart reaches out to Covid – she sees through all of the wrongs he has suffered from humanity, all the discrimination, all the hurt, and where everyone else sees only a monster, she sees the lovely person inside. But their way there is hard: first, she must remove the nefarious villain that stands in the way of their love. A villain so bad that he could easily scare away Voldemort, Sauron and Ramsay Snow: behold, it’s Dr Gurtlychund.
‚Because that’s what they were there for. Not for lust-induced sessions with the cause of the pandemic. They were there for the cure, and they were determined never to leave the lab until it had been found. However, Alexa still held a grudge against Dr Gurtlychund. She still thought about hate-fucking him, sure, but her pride was more important than a bit of slap and tickle.‘
‘I’ve told you, call me Bob,’ he said. ‘We practically spend all day and night here; we may as well be friendly.’ ‘Yes Dr Gurt—Bob.’ He smiled and his moustache curled upward, accentuating the beardlessness of his face. If only he had a beard. And was taller and had a big cock and was handsome and made her wet. Like COVID-19.‘
But Alexa, true to her name (her parents named her after the modern Goddess of espionage, after all) will not be thwarted by the inhumane evil that the wicked Dr Gurtlychund represents. Instead, she rises up to her task: to be the champion of love. With a bravery worthy of a Gryffindor, she sets a trap for evil incarnated – and she remains victorious, so that she can finally be reunited with her loved one.
‚Alexa smiled. ‘Yeah. I’ll write the letter to the medical council—’ ‘No,’ said Dr Gurtlychund. ‘We’re skipping approval from the medical council.’ Alexa’s heart fluttered like it had done the time she’d fucked the farmer’s cross-eyed son and uncrossed his eyes.‘
‚This was her fault… Suddenly a strong chonk of a finger rubbed across Alexa’s cheek. The virus had wiped it away for her. He had been strong, but soft. Assertive, yet caring. Alexa’s clitoris floundered.‘
Be reassured, dear readers: there is a happy ending. Because, as I said, love conquers all. Evil Dr Gurtlychund is beaten with an ingenious and brilliant plan that is unique in the history of literature – just as unique as the satisfying happy ending that easily outshines classics like Jane Eyre. All is well: the loved ones are united at last.
‚She had listened to her heart, and vagina, and allowed herself to succumb to Covid’s charm. She had ignored what her head had said, the dread, and instead… she had embraced love.‘